Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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