I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
