Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
