from now on my penis is your penis
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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