That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
