this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
