my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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