It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
