So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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