I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
