Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
