We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
