I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
