Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
