take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
