yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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