"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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