its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
