I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
