im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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