I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
