you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
