I can text with my tongue
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
