You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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