I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
