im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
