if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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