We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize