Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
