I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
