thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
