Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
