2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
