went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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