It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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