why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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