I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize