Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
