the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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