Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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