mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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