So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
