the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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