i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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