hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
