if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
