I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
cat food counts as protein by the way
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
