Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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