A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
