You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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