In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize