My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
