cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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