about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
