have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
