My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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