Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize