I think i sorta joined a cult last night
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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