mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
