were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize