peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
