i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize