evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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