Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
