I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
