walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There's a naked man in my car right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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