my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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