I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
