Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
