i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
