I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize