sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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