i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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