My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
