I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
