I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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