I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
