that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
