yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
