tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
