How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
