Whod you bang
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
