Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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