I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
