Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
