I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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