I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
