'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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