her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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