uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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