But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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