i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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