Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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