I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
