The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
