i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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