I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
