you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can't turn off my feet"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
