what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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