We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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