Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Im part way to drunk.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
