Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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