You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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