Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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