I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So vagazzling was a success
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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