you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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